let’s talk bookish | (n)etiquette for (book)nerds

Hello again, dear friends! I hope all is well for you, and if it is not, then I hope brighter days head your way soon! ☀️ The gals behind the Let’s Talk Bookish discussion meme decided to take a tiny hiatus this past month¹, so I took inspiration from The Abyssal Librarian‘s decision to dive into the depths of the Let’s Talk Bookish backlog of topics. Turns out there are tons of previous Let’s Talk Bookish topics that I have lots to say on!² Today I’ve set my sights on answering the questions surrounding the old discussion topic “bookish etiquette” (which was originally set as the topic for—my birthday!—November 28, 2025)! So, let’s get this one-woman bookish babbling sideshow on the road and dive right on into the discourse!

The short answer to if I think there’s such a thing as “bookish etiquette” is: yes. I think whenever you’re in a community, there are generally basic social “rules” you follow in order to maintain the happiness and health of the community and its members. It’s one thing if you’re alone in your room reading a book by yourself and never discussing that book with anyone. But online and in real life, when you’re with other readers, you’ve formed a sort of community by default, so yeah, there’s definitely “etiquette” you should follow. That said, as an international community that spans all cultures, we in the online bookish community in particular should also be sensitive to the fact that different cultures have different etiquette and what one person/group thinks is the polite thing to do may not match 1:1 with the standards of others. And, obviously, every rule has its exceptions.

When it comes to whether or not I engage in book community discourse/drama…Not too much anymore, but it depends on what we’re qualifying as “discourse” and/or “drama.” For example, I don’t believe that calling out authors or fellow readers in the community for bigotry or bully behavior should be considered “drama” or even be considered up for “discourse.” But when it comes to things like “how should you as an individual physically treat your books?” or “should you only post positive reviews?” or “do you tag authors in reviews?” I don’t typically engage with those types of discussions. The reason I don’t is because I’ve been book blogging for 12 years now and I feel like I’ve already been around the block and heard it all with these discussions—I know where I stand on these topics and I don’t need my stances to be validated by anyone else because I feel at peace with them.

book community dos & don’ts

what to do with arcs you no longer want?

When it comes to selling ARCs, is it the worst thing you can do? No. Obviously not. Is it illegal?? Despite the rumors, it actually isn’t. But when you got an ARC for free and you sell it for literally hundreds of dollars simply because it’s considered “rare,” I’m still gonna side-eye you because, personally, I don’t think that’s very ethical, for a few reasons.

First of all, you received that ARC as a free “gift” from the publisher and so selling it for more than the price of the published edition is kinda shady, imo. Like, why should others pay drastically more for something you received for free not by virtue of your hard work but rather by virtue of your social/business connections?

Second of all, ARCs are not finished editions and can contain mistakes and/or have minor bits of the book that may ultimately be changed in the finished, published edition. To sell an ARC for a drastic markup and market it as some kind of “rare special edition” is like selling me the sewing pattern of a haute couture gown for more than the gown itself costs and telling me that the pattern is a “rare special edition” of the gown. Like…no it’s not. It’s an unfinished, unpolished, incomplete version. ARCs typically don’t contain any extra (meaningful) content or have any special details that come with them. And even if they do—if you think an author’s typo-ridden book is worth more than their polished final product, you’re absolutely nuts and I’m begging readers not to fall for that “logic.”

Now, if you want to sell an ARC for a reasonable price on Depop or PangoBooks or AbeBooks, etc., I think that’s fine. In my opinion, as most ARCs are paperbacks, I think selling them for around the same price as or less than what a standard paperback costs is reasonable. But any more than that and I personally think you’re kinda reaching. I think, ultimately, the best option for what to do with ARCs you no longer want is to give them to a thrift shop or to donate them to a homeless shelter or a prison or to someone in need or to put them in a free little library. It avoids any ethical dilemmas, and it might bring a bit of joy to someone in need.

should you post negative reviews?

Listen. If you don’t like the idea of being honest all the time—including when you are honestly dissatisfied with an author’s work—simply because you think an author or their fans won’t be able to handle that honesty, then I’m gonna give it to you straight: reviewing isn’t the best hobby/career option for you.

First and foremost, being honest is a critical cornerstone of being a reviewer/critic of any kind. People come to you because they trust you to tell them your honest thoughts about a book. If you aren’t giving them honesty, then you’re not doing your job.

Second, as a reviewer the last thing you should worry about it hurting an author’s feelings when reviewing their work because, guess what—reviews are for readers, NOT authors (I’ll expand on this idea in the next section)! Thus, it is typically very rare for an author to read any reviews of their work, let alone all reviews of it, so the chances of them coming across your negative review, reading it, and having their feelings hurt by it is approximately 0.0…00o1%. I honestly think the only way you can go wrong in expressing your opinion on an author’s work is by starting to personally attack the author themselves (which would be weird because, hello, you probably don’t personally know them). But beyond avoiding that, I think so long as you’re completely honest in your review of a work, there shouldn’t be any issue.

As for readers who might disagree with your honest review (be it negative or positive), I don’t really see anyone as being “wrong” or “bad” in that situation, so long as everyone is expressing themselves respectfully. No one experiences a work of art the exact same way as anyone else (which is one of the beautiful things about art), so of course no one is going to have the exact same thoughts about a work, even when you generally agree on a surface level about it. That’s okay. The job of a work of art isn’t to make everyone have the same emotional and intellectual experience of said work of art. The job of a work of art is simply to create an emotional and/or intellectual reaction in a human. These reactions can and will vary, but all of them are valid.

who are reviews for?

This brings me to my next point: reviews are and should be solely intended for readers, not for authors! I understand that authors are readers too, so I’m not saying we should ban them from review sites like Goodreads, but at the same time I firmly believe that it is in the best interest of readers, reviewers, and authors that authors don’t search out reviews of their own book(s). Reviews do not and should not aim to give authors writing and/or editing advice and authors should not be viewing them as “free editing advice.” It’s unethical in the first place and can easily lead to harm being done to all parties involved.

First, in my opinion, it’s incredibly unethical for authors to try to use reviews as a kind of source of “free writing and editing advice” because it turns reviewing into unpaid labor instead of a hobby. Like, if my writing advice is worth so much to you, then you honestly should be paying me, just like professional editors are paid.

Second, most reviewers are not professional literary critics nor are they typically professional editors. The most you can gain from a person’s book review is their individual experience. Hence why you shouldn’t shape your work around what a reviewer—or even multiple reviewers—says. There are so many readers and reviewers on Earth that it’s quite literally impossible to read every review of your book. Which means if you change your writing based on just the reviews you’ve read, there could be a larger population of readers who already liked your writing that you’ve just ignored. Not only that, but also, not every reviewer is capable of and/or is qualified to give insightful literary/writing/editing advice. We as reviewers certainly can comment on our perception and experience of a piece of literature, but many of us couldn’t tell you exactly what to do differently. Thus, trying to use reviews to get editing/writing advice quickly becomes a tangled mess.

do you think it’s okay to tag authors in reviews?

As for the question of whether or not reviewers should tag authors in their reviews on social media…I think a good rule of thumb is that unless you have nothing but praise for a book, then don’t tag the author. At the end of the day, authors are people too, and they’ve gone through the often quite emotionally vulnerable process of writing and publishing a work that likely means a lot to them. If they want to hear thoughts about their work, they can (and should) turn to their editor or even their marketing team or beta readers or a trusted family member or friend. Those are people who can give the author valuable insight in a tactful and thoughtful manner. I think that in most cases, it’s best to leave it alone and just not tag the author (although I think you can use the author’s name as a hashtag, in case other readers want to find other content about that particular author’s works).

1. Turns out the gals are now back with an all-new new format for Let’s Talk Bookish! *cue cheers all around* ↩︎
2. Then again, when do I not have lots to say about literally anything and everything??? I think it’s safe to say “never”! 😂 ↩︎

What’s your take on bookish community etiquette? Do you think there are any hard and fast “dos” or “don’ts”? Have you ever run afoul of bookish community etiquette rules that you didn’t realize were in place? If yes, what was your response??

Learn more the author of this post:

Lila @ Hardcover Haven

Lila is a 30 year old anthropology student and lover of literature who's been book blogging for an eternity. Her hobbies include reading, singing, writing, arts and crafts, and snuggling her two cats, Snoopy and Clementine.